I'm the shittiest blogger, and I apologize

 Hey guys,

I always seem to start my posts with a promise that I will update more because I don't want this to become a dead blog and then I fail to do that.  Today I won't make any promises but I will say that I will try to do better.  Let me start with an update yes?

I finished school.  I did it, I am DONE.  I finished a few weeks ago and I am just absolutely underwhelmed by it.  I thought that I would be in a euphoric state to have all of my homework done permanently but it did not happen that way.  I haven't even taken the diploma out of the cardboard mailer.  I think that I am feeling this way because the whole program was a struggle.  I had to do all of my homework at the last minute and send countless apology emails to my professors so I just kind of wish that I had a better experience with school.  

I lost my counselor at the clinic that I loved about two months ago.  She was fired I believe for bending some of the rules for insurance matters to help people out.  I didn't react in a healthy way to her leaving, especially in an abrupt way like that.  She made such a difference in my sobriety and she helped me not feel shame for being on methadone and she gave me the strength to seek psychiatric help too.  I miss her and her replacement is terrible.  I have a counselor at the clinic and a counselor through my psychiatrist's office.  Both of them don't call for scheduled appointments, they forget important information about my treatment plans, and I get the sense that they aren't paying attention to me when we talk.  I guess that I will keep looking for someone to replace her.

I am also switching to a closer methadone clinic at the end of the month and I am not looking forward to it.  I always expect for everything to go wrong.  Imagine that your entire field of stability relies on this entity of people that have to do their jobs properly so that you yourself can function.  If someone forgets to put something in the computer then you could lose privileges which not only impacts your self esteem but your daily routine.  I think that I'm going to make another post about the helplessness of being a methadone patient sometime in the future.  It just sucks.  I am a contributing member of society that is clean but yet I could have my world rocked by someone screwing something up like not faxing paperwork in a timely matter.  

I am going to put my kids to bed but before I go I wanted to ask that the spam bots that keep posting links to "Buy medication Online" please stop.  It's seriously obnoxious and not helping anyone.  UGH.